Celebrating Bad Poetry
The Vogons, of course, are a particularly nasty race from Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series. “The series tells that, far back in prehistory, when the first primeval Vogons crawled out of the sea, the forces of evolution were so disgusted with them that they never allowed them to evolve again,” says Wikipedia. It makes sense then that these lowly forms favor poetry and use their particularly poor poetic skills (3rd worst in the universe) as torture. As such, the livejournal profile for the Vogon Poet’s Society reads as follows:
The Society is centred upon the desire to write Painful Poesy: Poems so horribly bad that they cause cancer in lab rats, crippling pain and terror, and publication in MLA poetry anthologies…Please do not post mediocre poetry. And please do not post light-hearted poetry. We only want the worst. The absolute bottom-of-the-barrel sludge of modern poetry. Scrape it up, chip it off, and throw it at this community.
The concept is laughable, and truly there are terrible poems. Here’s one entitled “Belgium!”
Ah! my smelly jelly! How fishy of you to have noticed Your quotas are teminally deficient It reminded me of summer I hated it/you/life...
And another, entitled “A Cold Vogon Heart.”
...My car starts up like a horse with TB and my glasses are so fogged I cannot see I ponder wearing grandpa wear So that I can scoot through the day without a care...